Uninvited Opinions
by MaraLSky
Summary: Random characters dropping in unannounced in scenes where they just don't belong--and putting their two cents in. Part 1: Han drops in and catches Luke stealing a kiss...


Luke Skywalker gazed down at the face of the beautiful redhead who now laid in a healing trance. As much as he tried to convince himself that he and Mara could never be anymore than friends, he could not help himself from leaning over and kissing her gently on the lips as she slips.

"Woh! Kid," muttered a shocked male voice from behind him. "I don't know what you think you're doing, but unless you're performing CPR, she's going to kill you, Emperor's voice or no Emperor's voice."

Luke jumped up, startled, and ignited his lightsaber. That was no Qom Jha! He turned to see a very bemused looking Han Solo standing not two meters away. "Han?" he gaped at his brother-in-law, wondering if this was some bizarre Force vision. "What the blazes are you doing here? I told Karrde not to send anyone else!"

Han shrugged. "I have no idea why I'm here, kid. One minute I was infiltrating the secret Imperial capital with Lando, and then next minute…I was dropped into this cave, watching you smooch Mara Jade in her sleep! Take it from me, kid: you do _not_ want to do that. Besides, what would your sister say?" Han didn't bother to wait for an answer, but sat himself down on the cave floor beside Luke and continued. "I mean, that's the type of thing she's trying to make sure Jacen and Anakin don't get into the habit of doing—imagine if they heard about their own Uncle Luke, Jedi Master and galactic hero, kissing women when they don't even know they're being kissed. Anyway, you never mentioned that you were…partial…to any former Imperial assassins..." Han's voice trailed off as he smiled roguishly. "Besides, I didn't think you would go near a woman Lando had dated…"

Luke's face darkened into a sullen pout. "Don't talk to me about Lando!"

"I see I hit a sore spot. A grown Jedi Master, sulking! Now Luke, what would Mara say?" Han shook his head in mock sadness. "Honestly, Luke. What would the Galactic Inquirer think of this? How do you know those weird mynock things aren't actually their spies?"

The younger man didn't say anything, but gave Han a sidelong glance.

"Okay, okay. Highly unlikely, since no one's heard of this planet. Umm…what's this place called anyway? Nevermind. I don't care. Now, tell me about you and Mara."

"What _about _Mara and me?"

Han smacked his forehead in obvious exasperation. "You. Were. Kissing. Mara! In her sleep, without her knowledge. Now what brought this on? At least when I kissed Leia for the first time, she was wide awake, and knew what was happening. Well, I think she did anyway. Who knows with women, right?" Han paused for a moment, obviously relishing this particular memory.

Luke glared at him. "Must you talk about my sister that way?"

"Talk about her what way? Luke, she's my wife now, remember? You have two nephews and a niece, and that took a bit more than kissing." Han rolled his eyes. "Besides, you didn't even know she 

was your sister at the time." He dropped his voice, looking over at Mara's sleeping form as if she might over here. "After all, _you_ kissed her too."

Luke gaped at him, his face turning scarlet. "I thought we agreed never to talk about that again!"

"Well, if you're not going to tell Mara about that, you're going to have to confess stealing that little kiss there. Which leads me back to our original topic…" Han paused dramatically. "What's up with you and Mara?"

"Well, you see, Child of Winds…" He paused, as if expecting Han to inquire as to whom this was, but Han motioned for him to continue. "Called her my beloved…"

"Soooooo…you decided to kiss a former Imperial assassin, who was once bent on killing you because of the lingering orders of a dead sociopath and who you've maintained a highly fragile friendship with over the past ten years, in her sleep, because an oxygen-breathing junior mynock decided the two of you made a cute couple?" Han took a deep breath at the end of this run-on sentence. "Ignoring the fact that if she suddenly woke up and got the idea you were taking advantage of her, she probably could kill you if she really decided it was necessary? Is that about it?"

Luke turned a deeper shade of red at his own faulty logic that Han had just recited to him. "Hey, I would never take advantage of her!" He said trying to distract Han from his point.

"Yeah, yeah. I know that, kid." Han seemed to lack the energy to even roll his eyes one last time at his brother-in-law. "Fine then…your funeral. You go back to what you were doing." Han stood, and dusted the dirt off his pants and started to walk away.

"Where are you going, Han?" Luke asked curiously. "It'll take you days to get out of this cave."

Han looked back and shrugged. "I know. But someone has to tell Leia what became of her little brother."


End file.
